motivation and inspiration
…or a lack thereof.
When I was younger I didn’t participate in sports or any artistic talent development - in fact, I remember a piano teacher once telling me that even if I memorized the sheet music, I was basically tone deaf. I did ballet for a couple of years, and while I enjoyed the company, I don’t recall enjoying the actual dancing because I memorized the steps and counted in my head the whole time. I didn’t know it then but I was building my resiliency. As a student, I hovered on average very good with some moments of excellence. I’m convinced that this mediocrity in my adolescence has led me to strive for excellence in adulthood (which admittedly borders on an obsession with perfection).
It’s been about six months since this site has gone live and I have a half a dozen or so, partially written, blog pieces and a couple more ideas scribbled down. But what do I do when motivation and inspiration decide to take a day off?
I may never find the discipline to be a runner, but in general I’d like to think I am a get-sh*t-doner; but these last few months of uncertainty brought about by the pandemic have really gotten under my skin. I wasn’t allowed to watch much TV growing up, and I never developed a habit for it. The only reason I have a TV now is because it came with the apartment. However, the last few months, I found myself to be binge watching so much (yes, I’ve lost count of the hours so I can’t use “many”) that I realized I was doing it because I was mentally just so exhausted from keeping it together and all I needed - for my mind, body and soul - was to sit and stare at a screen and flood myself with certain fiction (and happy endings).
I’m back and there was no cathartic moment of motivation or inspiration like we so often see in feel good movies.
Anyway, I’m back! And the truth is, there was no cathartic moment of motivation or inspiration. After all, this isn’t some movie - it’s real life. I know this type of content has been floating around a lot, but I’m going to say it anyway: It’s ok not to be productive every single minute of every single day.
Not that I want to put a positive spin on this, but I am truly grateful for the world slowing down as it has given me the time to shift my perspective, and feel all the feels that come with it. I don’t regret feeling good about having an overscheduled and underslept phase of my life but I wouldn’t have even noticed that without everything literally shutting down. I’ve learned to appreciate: my thoughts - and making the time to get lost in them, my emotions - and understanding why I’m feeling them, as well as my relationships - and why each is meaningful enough to maintain.
One more thing - I’m half way through Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, by Greg McKeown, and it has been so helpful in helping me conquer both the physical and mental clutter.
